Welcome to my bio!

one of da coolest whiteboys you'll ever know...

 

updates

Posted on December 25th, 2007 First bio Update

This be Me! ;)

I don’t really have too much to say about the first 17 years of my life. I grew up in a dysfunctional home, and then abandoned by my family 4 months after turning 17. I had the mind of a 13 year old, emotionally screwed up, suicidal and really could careless what I did in life. I was a very naive and ignorant 17 year old finding myself on the streets of Fort Worth. Growing up as a kid was already hard because of family life, wondering when my dad was coming home in a bad mood and take it out on us kids. A mother who was overbearing, overprotective in parts it didn't count, and never protective in the places it did. But it was also difficult in school. I took all my at home emotions that I couldn’t express there and let it out at school. Not good. I was the least liked in all of my schools. I say all because I never attended the same school consecutively in the 11 years I was in school. 1 of which was a repeated year, First Grade. I was the one kids picked on because I was easy to be picked on. I would cry in a hot minute. I would get thrown in lockers, trash cans, or chased all over the neighborhoods by metallica listening, grubby looking white folks in their muscle cars. That was just Texas. California was no different really, just a different class of ignorant kids. The reason I switched schools so much is my parents always dragged us back and forth from Texas and Cali. My dad hated the heat, so Cali it was, My mom would miss my grandmother, her mother in Texas, so we’d move back. I had no idea what it meant to have a good friend, let alone a long lasting relationship. We had spiritual beliefs, (that is what I will call it). It is the only thing I still believe in. I went rebellious after being kicked out, and although even to this day, I still don’t do exactly right by my spiritual beliefs, they are still mine. Most kids would have trashed anything spiritual their parents suggested if they had a family like mine. Fact is, I may have been dumb as a kid, but I know the difference in the truth of God when I heard it, and when a parent crams it down your throat. If anything, at least I still have that, the one and only positive thing they gave me. It just wasn’t ministered right to me. You can’t preach one thing, and do another to your child. It will confuse them forever, I know, just ask me. Enough of that, let’s move on.

February, 1990. So after a psych ward trip for a suicide attempt, and an outside family that tried to help but couldn’t handle me anymore, there was this black dude. Mike Foster, Fort Worth Texas. That man would turn out to be the closest person I had to family. In fact, I named my kid after him. Now as strange as life was already, here was a black dude, who didn’t take crap from no one, who’s family didn’t really like white folks, who was as gangster as all can be in my books. (That was slang for saying he was  a cool cat back in the day, he wasn’t a real gangster), someone who didn’t believe in crying or medication and psych wards, who took me in. He listened to my story, and for reasons I will never understand, he accepted me.

  Mike was a different character. He could piss me off to the point I wanted to kill him, and in seconds have me laughing still mad at him. He loved to rub it in that I was white. More specifically, a goofy whiteboy. His mother and sister didn’t care much for me, I was white. His brother definitely hated me and my white skin. He would call me “Moo’skee Rat” It had no reference to being a rat, or snitch, just something he would say to get under my skin. Mike started calling me that too only because he knew it got to me, playing around. He tried to toughen me up, he introduced me to a different culture, and he opened my eyes to the racist world. After a while, I could see racism in white folks before another white man could see it. In that neighborhood we lived in, I was a cool whiteboy because I knew Mike, and he never told anyone anything I ever told him. He never made me look bad in front of others. We lived in a house no bigger than a full sized living room. No heat, ants were so bad, they would build their ant pile homes underneath our couch. Our house leaned. I could go on and on about the flaws of the house, but lets just say it was ghetto, nuff said. We wound up having to move, and that move was not good at all. The only place to go was a real ghetto neighborhood. They hated white folks so much, when I would walk up the street, Grandma’s would yell out sharing “You’re in the wrong neighborhood whiteboy. “ By that time, I had grown already to hate white people. I didn’t think I was black, but I sure tried anything to find acceptance when my own white family disowned me. Hating white folks was a faze, and it went away after a few years. After a while, in July 1993, me and my brother, (That is what I call Mike) went our own ways. I had become something he couldn’t handle. You ever seen a Chihuahua? You ever saw a Chihuahua with emotional problems? Little dude who had no sense, a big attitude, rebellious, emotionally wrecked, a looser who became a drunk. That sums it all up without having to go into details. And until January 23rd 2005, I stayed a miserable drunk drowning in my own self pity. All in all, between age 17 and 32, I was raped, shot at, cut, homeless shelter after shelter, psych wards, jails, and institutions. 3 DUI’s, horrible credit, a son I never got to have a relationship with, never keeping a job for more than 6 months, (except the last one before quitting drinking, 18 months I believe), between all that and my emotional, physical, and spiritual destruction, I had became nothing. I was empty inside of anything good, no morals and at the end of my road where it was time to put a bullet in my head.

Then, I gave this 12 step program a chance. On January 23rd 2008, I will have 3 years sober. I am the IT Director, Billing Director, and PI Officer for a Drug and Alcohol Detox Center in OKC. (The Referral Center, Oklahoma City). I did all that without schooling, however, on January 6th 2008, I will be going to my first class of college. I am enrolled at DeVry University. I have no idea how the heck in 3 years I got to where I am today. All my life I had nothing. People say they have low self esteem. Truth is, that would have been a step up for me. I had no self esteem. But that was yesterday's. I own a 1986 Toyota MR2 that is in excellent condition. Fire Red, and as fun to drive as can be. I actually drive that car legal today. Well, as far as insurance, tags, and a License is concerned. lol, ya, I have a heavy foot for such a little whiteboy. I am 35 now, and I am paying on all the bad credit I built up. I’m hoping in 2008 to buy my first house. I also am going to attend my religious meetings that I had put off for so long. My story is not done with by far. I know the best things in life are just around the corner. I am willing to help anyone who needs it so long as my own emotional health stays intact. Today I love all man of all walks of life. I have no hate for my childhood family, or the color of skin they had, (I’m a whiteboy, I really shouldn’t anyway's…lol). But I will always have a special place in my heart for black folks. Even though it was just Mike and no one else, He cared for me more than anyone else had, and I gained a valuable knowledge of black folks in America that could only be received from living in that world. I get movies, and music that some white folks just don’t get. I am not black, I’m a whiteboy, but one of the coolest whiteboy’s you’ll ever know.

 I would cry when I would watch a success story movie about people who had it ruff, I never thought I would be one of those people. My heart goes out to all of those, who tried to help, who did help, and who still help me today. You brought a lost whiteboy out of a hopeless grave and brought him into a life of light and strength, hope and courage to move past the past and live in today. How do I really feel about life today? Well, Johnny Gill and Louis Armstrong said it best, "my my my", "what a wonderful world". It is!